Why you should not wake Sir without a coffee.

Why you should not wake Sir without a coffee.

I have been given a task as to why a bratty boy should not wake his Sir without a morning coffee. Keeping in mind that not every Dominant drink’s coffee nor does every dominate expect their boys to have coffee by the ready, and the is the brilliance about the differences in dynamics of D/s relationships, not one is the same as another. Even if they are in a leather family situation each boy would have a different relationship structure and or guide lines then each other. From the outside looking in it may appear to be the same; however, the internal workings would be unique and different for each interaction / relationship structure with the Sir(s) and boy (s). This is just the defining factor – Humans are not robots, no one boy or Sir is the same, with various life experiences, tastes and inherent belief systems. The one variable that you really cannot train and that’s the animalistic aspect of every human, as we all carry our own unique finger prints and views on the world at large.

I am not like any other pup or boy, and just like any other pup or boy that is fortunate to be in a caring and loving D/s relationship, I too have structures, and these carry their own unique rituals which make the relationship grow and develop into its own dynamic. One of the rituals that I hold dear is ensuring when Sir wakes up he has coffee and that its made the way he likes it. Even when he may be up before me, I normally drag my ass out of bed to ensure a coffee is made and presented.

Why go to the trouble, in a traditional leather style D/s, it is not up for discussion, the boy does as required and told, no arguments, however in a more contemporary style of D/s relationships this has changed. The boy now has a say and choices. And the choices can be easily placed into two categories Reward or consequence. There certainly is much more discussion and a narrative is formed, that goes hand to hand with the trust, I would argue stronger connections are forged.il_fullxfull.427353565_sfw5

What’s this all about Coffee? Many of us associate coffee with mornings. It’s the thing that we need to kickstart the day. Sir is no different, and ensuring Sir has one, this in itself has become a ritual that has grown, I enjoy the service and the time with Sir. Both of us work late hours, we tend to be on similar sleeping patterns. The problem for me is that I always wake up super horny or in a pup mode and/or space.

I have a tendency to want attention of some description. Where unlike me, that has a bout of energy, Sir much prefers a more relaxed wake up, and prefers to start the morning without stress to a nice coffee, sit down on the balcony and check his phone for various messages, and probably the only time he really interacts with Facebook. This is his ritual, and I’ve been added to this time line of events. As indicated above this is why it’s now become part of my morning ritual when I stay at Sir’s. Therefore, it is important that anyones day should have a good start, that is relaxed, without throwing out rituals. When you start your day off in a positive good way, it assists with dealing with what the world may have install for you for the rest of the day. Even if the day before was not that good.

Rituals are important, and a boy enjoys the service to his Sir, this helps with rewards, and allowing the mindset of a submissive to flourish and a stronger bond and connection is built. One of the main reasons as to why it is important to ensure Sir has a coffee in the morning is to ensure rituals are not thrown out and that a good start to the day is important to build the foundations for the rest of the day’s events.

Respect is another aspect of the modern D/s while it has always been entrenched in the traditional D/s relationships, now more than ever, both the submissive and Dominant must have a level of respect and more discussions occur these days then in traditional D/s relationships. However, at the core of every D/s is respect, care and trust. As a submissive, it is important to ensure that I respect the rituals laid out for me by my Sir, and having the privilege to make morning coffee, is honoured, showing that I respect the role of my Dominant in the D/s. Waking Sir up and wanting to play and get attention, is breaking the ritual, even though puppy may not see it this way, the boy understands such importance to ritual, that it would be seen as disrespectful be wanting attention before Sir has a chance to wake up and at least have his first coffee.

This sometimes can be difficult as I am also horny and generally erect and wanting sexual attention, and this is where lays the art of submission. I know that I will get the attention, and probably something a lot more. Therefore, it is important that morning rituals are followed and that Sir has a coffee or two and allowed to wake up first. So, the rewards are far greater than the consequence of being seen as being painful. It in my experience also allows Sir to plan what he will do with me rather than a hap hazard attempt to just satisfy me without really satisfying both parties. For a D/s to work well, both parties must feel that both their desires and needs are being meant from the interactions of both the submissive and Dominant.

Finally, the third reason not to wake Sir without a coffee in the morning, is simply this not only makes him grumpy, it’s also a way to show him that I respect and honour him as my Sir. It also demonstrates I have an understanding of the internal workings of our D/s relationship. While some may not see it as a big thing, to a BDSM relationship it is, it’s a meaningful way that I actively demonstrate that I understand the importance of being his submissive and that I value our D/s.

To demonstrate the importance and the value of our interactions and limited time, by assisting in his rituals and helping for a good start to his day, and mine is focusing on the healthy side of the relationship. Any good relationship is a two-way street. Healthy relations are positive for good health and are needed in building trust in a D/s Dynamic. Trust is key and with that comes good health; physically, mentally and emotionally. Both parties take responsibility of this. My actions; by ensuring Sir has a coffee is one way that I can demonstrate this, it shows my respect, love, compassion, and above all that I care about our dynamic, and understand the importance that a simple thing as providing coffee for him can be a symbol of my wiliness to submit.

Inconclusion the importance of Sir having a coffee, is not the act if making it and presenting it, nor is it about starting off the day in a good way, yes that is essentially important. The reason I should not wake Sir and want attention is to ensure we have a healthy D/s relationship that we trust each other to do the right thing. It’s a way I can physically show him that I understand this importance. It’s about giving back, and not receiving all the time. Dominant and submissive relationships (D/s) to work, they need these basic foundations or they will fall apart. When he is taking me to my limits, I know I can trust him, and if a simple thing as wanting to follow a ritual helps demonstrate my willingness to submit and be a good boy, then it is important to me to ensure

19f3b99de867ae7b1c1c909cfcfd81eaI can show this, just as it is when he shows me aftercare after a session, or he gives me

 

a warm hug when he see me or when I am down. It’s not about the coffee, it’s about the actions that show that I want to be his boy.

Pup boy Skout

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The effects of slipping between headspace’s

Before I write this, I firstly want to reassure everyone that this is not an article that informs the reader on how they should or should not be a submissive, boy or pup. Rather this article is drawn from my experiences and how I navigated between the different headspaces. It should be noted that no one person is the same, and has different experiences, some purely identify as pups while others as slaves, submissive, Handlers, Dominates, etc. And some are switches or have a combination which makes them that unique individual. Why go to so much trouble stating the obvious? Because in my experience you need to.

Why this subject, I get to that shortly… Firstly a bit about how I play, I identify as male, am gay, and part of my identity includes being a leather pup, sometimes a skin pup… Yet there are other sides of my kinky self, I love all forms of BDSM, I am a submissive, while very bratty and challenging to any Dom, many consider me an Alpha in my communities, yet I also identify as a boy. Why is this important, I am hopeful that this allow the reader to see where I draw my experiences from.

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You got my ball?

This subject was chosen for me, by a Dominant who while we were interacting was able to observe me fluidity switch between head-spaces, from pup, to boy, to puppy to brat and back again. Mostly my personas are submissive.

What is head-space or sub-space: the term headspace or one of its variations such as sub space, puppy space, drop and other such terms. What does this mean? Head space is generally considered to be an altered state of consciousness within BDSM play that is used to ‘lose yourself’ in a scene. It is described as a state of mind whereby the body’s endorphin’s, enkephalin’s and adrenaline take over the mind and produce a morphine like effect. It’s what takes over our mind when we engage in various activities, some considered risky sexual practices, or Animal play such as pup play (that may have nothing to do with a sexual act)

It varies between individuals, but head space is a period whereby there is an altered state of reality. Headspace is a period whereby the individual enters an altered psychological state that manifests itself into physical and emotional actions, images, feelings and thoughts that have been brought on by a dramatic increase in adrenaline and endorphin that will occur during a scene. It’s hard to explain without sounding odd – but let’s try…. To see full article BDSM Headspace

Above I mentioned pup space and puppy space, I define these two differently, one is almost the state that I am in mostly and that is like a pup headspace, that shares my thoughts with the happenings of the real world around me, and then there is puppy-space, now for me that can be either, headspace only, so being in the moment right now or sexual or both, depending on the environment or the scene.

Boy space for me is similar to what many in the Kink community refer to as sub-space. The boy is the one out of all my submissive spaces and will be happy partaking in the heavier BDSM activities.

The pup or puppy are much softer headspaces, and sometimes do not involve any BDSM activities except the D/s Dynamic component. There may not be any sexual acts that occur, and while this can be debated to the hill by both sides of the argument to what constitutes a sexual act, for now this is a debate that I will not engage in.

When in a scene that may cross over or evolve from pup to puppy to boy or even handler requires the learned ability to do this in a way that is fluid without causing undue stress on the mental capacity to cope with the various stimulation of the activity at present or damaging (hurting) the space that your currently in while traversing or transitioning to the next head-space and sometimes back again. At times this may be having both headspaces in the fore front at the same time, which takes a lot of energy, both mental and emotionally.

An example of this;  if I Pup out as Scout and then Spanky pup comes to the fore front or even the boy. They each have their own unique persona and traits that can be identified as their own. They are different states of consciousness.

The BDSM scene has had an insight into this with the idea of that being in an “head space” is imperative to a scene. What being in a head space entails is an altered psychological state which is induced by adrenaline and endorphin spikes that often occur during a scene. Often the scene manifests into specific actions, feelings and thought processes which may or may not normally exist outside that scene. The practice often prepares the body for the activity that is occurring, or about to occur depending on the scene. The ‘head space’ is a crucial aspect to the enjoyment of a scene and immersing one’s self into the activity taking place. This is known as being “in the zone” or being in the “in the moment”. Surely such an ideology can transcend into sexual practices? If each individual has a different head space that they use when they experience sex, it can lead to them experiencing a different type of sex. If we consider it, this would explain the idea of emotional sex, passionate sex, lustful sex, primal sex and the variety of different activities that occur. It could also explain the idea of masturbatory regret. For example, masturbatory regret is the idea that an individual feels shame and embarrassment at the type of sexual stimulation that they were using in the quest to achieve sexual climax. In BDSM and fetishes head space is something that can occur with any of the individuals within a specific scene. Head space is often labelled by their role in the scene. For example, subspace, top space, Dom space, pony space and puppy space.

After many discussion with various community members, I have coined the idea of a headspace cycle. The cycle is to assist in illustrating how entering into headspace for a play scene or event may look like. Of course this is on my experiences, and may differ from person to person, as many things do in this community and a person’s psyche.

The human psyche is the mind or soul. It is the centre of an individual’s emotions, thought and behaviour. The psyche controls the individual’s response to his environment. The etymology of the word refers to the animating spirit of the individual.

According to McLeod; Sigmund Freud defined the human psyche as consisting of the id, ego and superego. According to Freud, these three aspects of the psyche developed at different stages of maturity. The id is impulsive and demands immediate satisfaction, while the ego helps to mediate its demands with the real world. The super ego incorporates the values and norms of the world around the individual.

Carl Jung further refined the description of the psyche to include a collective unconsciousness. He saw the psyche as existing since birth. Jung taught that the psyche was not just the result of one’s environment. He spoke of the self as the whole of the psyche, the persona as the part of the psyche that developed for personal convenience, and the shadow as carrying the things an individual was unwilling to admit about himself.

Cognitive psychology, which gained popularity in the 1950s and 1960s, after Freud and Jung, prefers the word mind to psyche. It teaches that the way to understand behaviour is to understand the workings of the brain in processing information. Cognitive psychology remains the most popular school of thought as of 2014.

According to Freud’s model of the psyche, “the id is the primitive and instinctual part of the mind that contains sexual and aggressive drives and hidden memories…”

Therefore Headspace would certainly be a part of Freud’s id, the original thought of the headspace cycle was, Engaging persona – entering head space – deep headspace – returning to real life (RL) – Drop. As like any idea, with thought, guidance and discussion I further developed the model to create a more in-depth cycle as illustrated below.

Headspace Cycle

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Engaging Persona – In my experience as I enter a play scene, a mosh, much or a kinky environment or event that will cause a response, thus allowing me to engage one of my personas, similar to when I am about to start work in the Kitchen, It could be argued that we all have a professional persona, therefore I have a chef persona. When attending an event such as a MOSH normally Pup Scout is engaged and commences entering into headspace. This does not mean that half way through the event or even the scene that Spanky wont want to be engaged, commencing the cycle of engaging a different persona and entering into headspace.

Entering Headspace – This is where you generally considered to be entering into an altered state of consciousness, this would be the beginning, the triggers that make you tick and start to prepare for the scene or event ahead.

In Headspace – You have gone past the triggers of engaging the desired headspace or persona and are now in what many refer to as the zone, sub / dom space or puppy space. This is when the characteristics of the persona start to come to the for front and you engaging your desires the primitive and instinctual part of your altered state of consciousness.

Deep Headspace – This is different for each individual, however here I generally feel there are different levels if this altered state of consciousness, similar to that of sleep patterns, you have different levels so the deeper you go the higher the level of headspace, making it more difficult to return to RL in a shorter period. Another analogy of this is the higher the high so the more naturally occurring chemicals which are exhibited the bigger the potential drop can be, this is both for sub and Dom.

Coming Out of Headspace: Returning to Real Life (RL) – This is the stage when play or the scene or event is coming to an end, and you commence the transition back to RL. At this stage after care may also be provided, and should be where ever required. This stage of the cycle may be long or short it depends on the individual, their experience and how deep they were in headspace. There are various methods different people use to return to RL thinking. Keep in mind that after care may be required after this stage, as some people may continue to ride the wave of the the high experienced from the activity whilst in the zone or headspace. I have know both Dom’s and subs to ride this wave for up to 3 days.

While in RL mode, you may still have parts of your persona out, this is an individual trait, for me a part of my puppy-ish ways or bratty side is always on display… If you experience a wave of these wonderful emotions then you need to understand that this is natural, but aftercare must be considered as essential to the planning of any event or activity.

Drop – (sometimes called sub drop, Dom drop and “The Mondays”) is an experience with similar characteristics of depression that occurs after an intense SM scene. It is caused by adrenaline and endorphin crashes after the adrenaline and endorphin spikes that may occur during a scene. Drops may occur straight after the scene or even hours or a couple of days latter, also event drops occur as we generally use a lot of energy whist at a kinky event – see link for full article: BDSM WIKI – DROP

Reflection: This may not always occur, but many of us do reflect on the event or scene that we have just endured, as it may be gentle or a little rough to extreme. This reflection is normal, as it helps with growth and development and enables us to create better connections with either our Dominate or submissive.

Multiple Headspaces: If indeed that there is a headspace cycle, as described above each different headspace would also have its own beginning and end, with potential overlaps. Visualising this is complex as this experience would be as individual and unique for each person or even each activity. Meaning if someone was able to traverse through various headspaces (keeping in mind that some kinky people may only have one space) they may be indifferent stages of the cycle, they may not even complete the cycle and stay in a suspend state of that headspace while they experience the other. An example is if I am in puppy headspace and I move into another form of heavier activity such as impact play with maybe the combination of restraints and rope, the pup may transition to the boy space while at the same time transverse with the sexualised side.  Therefore while the pup may still be somewhat engaged he moves to the back while the boy who is now more engaged moves to the for-front.

The further issue with this is returning back to real life as the scene or event finishes all headspaces return back to their real life state. Then we have the drops so the pup for me is known to drop much faster then the boy, so while the boy may still be riding the wave from the scene the pup may not be travelling so well, and drop from the experience.

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The Effects of slipping between Headspaces:

As I have not been able to find much written about slipping between Headspaces in BDSM, this is purely based on my own experiences.

Traversing between different personas and headspaces, I have experienced this several times during an event or a scene. What I have experienced when traversing through headspaces is that I tend to drop at different times, with the various personas. I can say for sure it is a roller coaster ride, the best way to describe it is one half wants to curl up and have cuddles or feel shitty, the other side is riding a high of what just occurred. This then causes the side on the down to want to re-engagement the activity to get another experience, commencing the cycle from the start, or not completing the cycle… causing for further overlapping. A state of confusion may occur, where you question why you feeling down and at the same time so great, causing what many refer to as a mind fuck.

You may even question your own abilities or identity. Without clarity it may prevent future engagement with the personas and finding it more difficult to drop into headspace, meaning you may not be able to play. This may also put strain on the D/s if not communicated and discussed.

Open Communication is key to any successful D/s relationship. 

The issue I found when I tried reengage the cycle again to try and get a lift on the persona that is having the drop, this is not only is this both time consuming, and in our current lifestyles we are generally all time poor, but it also takes a lot of energy, commitment by both the Dominant and the submissive. I also ignore why I was feeling low and not allow the time needed to readjust.

This can certainly take its impact on the various sub spaces, as it is my belief you need to complete the cycle and have the required aftercare and allow yourself to return to RL sate. If you are playing with one dominate, it can also have a burden impact on them as you will be consuming more of the energies required for such a extension of the session, and the additional aftercare that is now required. Remember we are time poor and this needs to always be factored in.

A negative consequence on the Dominant preventing them from providing their own care as they are more concerned with the submissive who is experiencing a potential high and drop at the same time, whilst reflecting and having to return to RL.

If your playing with more then one dominate, you may be able to have additional play, but be aware of your state of mind, as this has the potential to have an impact on the scene or the aftercare. There are many times that unless the Dominates and part of a leather family structure, communication may be missed or avoided by the submissive, not allowing for proper required aftercare.

The energies required to slip between headspaces are on multiple levels, and this is what forms the required connections and bonds between Dominate and submissive, The Dominate needs to watch these and react when occurs especially if they are controlling the play, and allow the submissive enough time to transact with the correct headspace required.

It needs to be noted that these energies are emotional, physical and physiological. This what allows us to play how we choose. Thus; allowing for these very strong connections and bonds that we form. The impacts of traversing through headspaces may cause burn out. Or have personas that may be gentler to become easily hurt, by a mistake that the play went more extreme and not allowing the submissive to navigate the various headspaces, especially if they are already in a deep state of altered consciousness.  Being in the incorrect headspace for the required scene would also be damaging for the submissive. This is more likely to happen with those who slip between headspaces during one session.

I found that when slipping between various headspaces takes longer to digest what has occurred this can have potential negative impacts on my real life as I will require a longer period to return to my real life state as I may still be reflecting whilst attempting to do my job or worst still ignore the emotional state that tends to go hand in hand with a sub-drop. I must be careful not to allow or to prevent the correct after care being provided which has the ability to damage the connection and the bond required in a D/s relationship.

Finally this brings me personal responsibility. While we all play using the golden rules of BDSM – Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC) or RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink I feel it is also the personal responsibly of both the submissive and the Dominant to ensure that not only the engagement of the activity is safe and active consent provided but the correct after care is provided, so when I play or attend an event I prefer to practice PRICK – Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink. This ensures that when traversing through headspaces I can communicate my needs to the Dominate and we can both take personal responsibility for our actions to ensure we are both safe.

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Further reading:

BDSM

The Endorphin Levels in BDSM

SSC vs RACK

References:

McLeod, S. A. (2016). Id, Ego and Superego. Retrieved from http://www.simplypsychology.org/psyche.html

Headspace Cycle Illustration designed by – Pup Zeke 

How to cite this article:
Bullivant, S. B. (2017). The effects of slipping between headspace’s. Retrieved from https://leatherpup.me/2017/07/26/the-effects-of-slipping-between-headspaces/

 

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Pup Spanky

Birthday Pup 2017

This week was my human birthday and I am fast approaching my 40’s, not there yet, but it had me reflecting on where I am in life. Generally I am in a good place. But it made me realise how important friendships are and good healthy relationships.

This post is not a long one, and I am going to write an article latter about good healthy relationships.

What I would like to do is acknowledge everyone that sent me Birthday messages, either by facebook, phone, text or messenger or in person. This year a few people made it really special for this little pup. Big thanks to Darren & Stuart, Matthew (13), Peter and Twitch.

Finally I love my puppy community you all are amazing Thank you.

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Thank you Dylan for this awesome image

 

 

 

 

The Endorphin Levels in BDSM

 

Disclaimer: The author is not a medical doctor, though this information has been checked with a doctor and two nurses who are in the BDSM scene. Frisky Business Boutique assumes no responsibility for people who use this information or for the effects that may arise from the application of the information presented in this article.

Skout Comments:This is not my work, however it is excellent reading, the discourse has discussions on the facts behind what is presented. I personally on several occasions have experienced what is being illustrated in the article below and am happy to testify that it worked for me in the dozen scenes that I have done using this method as a submissive. Keeping in mind that at-least half was have a concise awareness that we were testing the method. The other half was more organic but the Dominant reported in using the method and achieved the same results. 

Further note, I dropped like a mother fucker so After Care of your submissive is essential and also Dom drop can occur so be mindful of this… Play and stay safe… Pup Spanky. 

Source: Frisky Business

Although everyone into the BDSM scene has heard of endorphins, very few people really understand what they are, how they work, what the  “endorphin high” is all about, and how one can correctly induce the body to produce them. This short primer will answer those questions, and serve as a guide for anyone topping another so that they may successfully send their bottom into a very deep endorphin stupor (also known as “leaving them in a big puddle of quivering ecstasy”).

The endorphin high is caused by a bunch of natural, morphine-like chemicals the body pumps into the brain to reduce a person’s sensitivity to pain and raising the pain threshold. The fact that the body seems to release these endorphins in measured “loads” is a key to understanding how to manipulate  the body to produce these loads and release them into the body and brain region when the load is ready.

Another chemical, adrenaline, is also produced by the body in reaction to pain, and its behavior should be understood also. This is covered later more thoroughly in the section on aftercare, which is a very essential element in guaranteeing the success of the effort.

The endorphin loads release in their entirety, and it takes the body about ten minutes to generate another one. After the body releases a load into the system, it needs at least ten minutes of some sort of stimulation before it will be ready to release another one. This stimulation can be just about anything – sensation play, light paddling, flogging, or light caning, for example – and it does not have to be nearly the intensity of the stimulation that caused the release of the last endorphin load.

Once prepared, an increase in stimulation over a five-minute span up to a measured “climax” will trigger the body to release the freshly-prepared load, based upon the submissive’s current pain threshold, measured to push them over a new edge.

Armed with this information, what does a session look like from the top’s and bottom’s points of view?

When a scene first starts, there are no endorphins in the submissive and even fairly light torment is very stingy, ouchy, and, well, painful! Fortunately, the body keeps an endorphin reserve in place ready to release in case of an emergency. This reserve endorphin load is released after just a few minutes of even relatively mild stimulation building to a mild climax, and suddenly the pain threshold clearly rises. Now, the subject can easily tolerate what may have been pushing the limits before, making him jump around and squirm, for instance. This new, more pain-tolerant state is Level One. There is no altered state of consciousness yet, but there is an increased pain threshold.

Once this has happened, for the top the next 10 minutes is spent doing anything that provides relatively light but constant stimulation to induce the bottom’s body to create the next endorphin load for release. This is a good time for sensation play, light paddling, flogging, or whipping. This is a chance for the top to relax, since the stimulation can be very mild and easy to apply during this time.

Once the ten minutes has passed, a build in intensity over a subsequent five-minute period will excite the body to a peak, and a sudden 10 to 15 seconds of intense stimulation just beyond the person’s current pain threshold limit will trigger the body to eject its freshly-made endorphin load into the bloodstream. Now the bottom will be at  Level Two, with still no perceivable altered state of consciousness (beyond panting in relief that you, the top, have ceased with the intense bit), but there is a considerable and noticeable leap in pain threshold now.

Following this, another ten minutes of mild, easy stimulation provokes the body into generating the next load. Keep this well below the pain threshold you’ve now created, with just a little intense whack every so often, about a minute apart. This will keep the adrenaline build-up to a minimum, for reasons explained later on. Time to relax, tops; rest that arm and wrist a bit! This relaxing ten minutes is followed with five minutes of building the intensity again to well above the previous level. The bottom’s pain threshold is pretty high now and he can take a lot more before the body interprets this as being “in crisis” and triggers the next endorphin release. Finish off with 10 seconds to a minute of a very intense, over-the-edge push, and the body will inject that next load.

Now at  Level Three, the bottom will definitely feel a little bit woozy, exhibiting a mildly-drugged state. His eyelids should appear droopy, and he will fall into a more relaxed condition than before, more low moans and groans, and lower inhibitions. Again, applying ten minutes of any relatively mild stimulation followed by a five-minute build and a 10- to 15-second intense climax well beyond the previous one will release the next endorphin load and push the bottom into a very nice Level Four head space.

At this Level Four state, there is a very definite altered state of consciousness.  The bottom will feel drugged and will be very compliant and submissive now. This is countered, however, by the largest charges of adrenaline he has received so far, the result of the intense climax just used to push him over this edge. The bottom is still quite communicative and his reaction time is still quick. The bottom may even be hypersensitive: a small whack with a paddle, cane, or whip can now generate a huge amount of twitching or jerking of the subject’s body. Now, during the ten minute “treading water” period for the top, the moans and groans will be longer and deeper, the body often limp in its restraints, and the reactions to the occasional harder strikes will be obvious. This is the top’s finest time: she  can still relax and not exert herself very hard, yet produce fine moans of ecstasy from her bottom with hardly any provocation! The pain threshold is high even though the reaction time is increased from the adrenaline. Harder occasional strikes are welcomed, and the reactions are certainly encouraging!

Sexual play with the bottom should occur around Level Three or Four. After after hitting Level Five, the bottom may be unable to concentrate for long on what he is doing. That can result in passionate and inhibition-free indulgence, resulting in heights of ecstasy never before experienced, or the bottom can lose his erection and be unable to concentrate. There’s no telling which way the bottom will go once he achieves Level Five or Six.

After this ten minute endorphin replenishment period, it is important to be very sensitive to the limit levels crossed earlier, as the top begins that five-minute build in intensity that will end in the most intense limit-pushing the top might do with the bottom for this session (presuming the top stops at Level Five). The bottom will have a very high pain threshold at this time, but also will be fairly groggy and less able to communicate a safe word. In fact, the bottom will now be so compliant that it is very unlikely that he would use it even if he ought to do so! So, push this “grand finale” with finesse and sensitivity to what is going on with the bottom! At the other end of the 10- to 30- second climactic build in intensity – in a wonderful blast – this latest endorphin load will push the bottom into Level Five: a state of supreme ecstasy, docility, and the bottom’s ability to take just about anything the top could do to him. The bottom will become very limp and relaxed very suddenly – and be very clearly in an altered state of consciousness.

This is the point most people end the scene and remove the bottom to cloak him in a blanket and begin the all-important aftercare, and unless the top knows the bottom extremely well, this is where the session should end. However, for those who do know the bottom’s limits, the rules and timing are the same as with the earlier segments. Now, the “mild” stimulation could be fairly intense, and the bottom will become extremely submissive and accepting of any amount of stimulation the top bestows upon him. This is a dangerous condition because there is NO WAY a person will utter a safe word in this condition. The bottom can barely talk at all! It is best to keep the stimulation relatively intense but not too extreme. The stronger intensity will hold up the adrenaline levels, and the combination with the elevated endorphins levels creates a condition of intense excitement and of simultaneously intense ecstatic relaxation for the bottom, so he’ll be into receiving whatever is being doled out. (More on adrenaline in a minute, though!) Again, finish off after the ten minutes with a building in intensity to one beyond that reached earlier, with a 10- to 15-second extreme point, and the next endorphin load will be released. Now we have brought the bottom to a very amazing  Level Six! Again, this should only be attempted with a bottom whose limits and abilities are already very well known. The top is working without the benefit of safe words being utterable; care must be exercised this whole while.

The bottom’s behavior can become unpredictable at this point with all the adrenaline and endorphins coursing through the body.  Be prepared to restrain against some wild thrashing and arm flailing (or at least be out of harm’s way). The bottom is in such an intensely altered state of consciousness that his reactions could possibly be extremely primitive in nature. He may only be capable of animal-like noises and very little speech. Following this reasoning, approach the subject as you would a wild animal: very gently, speak soothingly, and gesture in a calming manner. Be prepared for sudden jerking, or attempts to get away. Don’t take the erratic behavior personally! At Level Six, this person is totally ga-ga! Be assured, the bottom is enjoying every millisecond of this experience, and a very long period of dreaminess is now in store for him if the aftercare is handled properly.

Why do I go on and on about the aftercare? The work of putting endorphins into the subject’s body is finished, right? Well, yes, but you have also succeeded in putting very, very large amounts of adrenaline into the bottom’s system, and adrenaline is tricky stuff. Even at Level Four, aftercare is important because of how quickly adrenaline burns off compared to endorphins, which burn off very slowly. At Level Five or Level Six, there is enough adrenaline in the body that it will take at least 10 to 20 minutes for it to burn off (or longer). During this time, the bottom is likely to experience a number of adrenaline crashes (similar to coffee jags). Some of these can be intense and even quite frightening. The bottom will need to be kept warm and be held and comforted AT LEAST throughout this period of adrenaline burn-off. My opinion is that if you don’t care enough for the bottom to cuddle and caress them for up to half an hour, you probably shouldn’t be taking them to any Level Six endorphin/adrenaline levels.

The adrenaline “crash” experience for the bottom is something many, many tops are unaware of, and they have no concept of the amount of harm they could be doing to someone’s psychological state by not performing adequate, comforting aftercare. All the bottom needs now is to be held and to hold you (or whoever you assign to perform aftercare), to be comforted by your presence, and to be allowed to make you become the entire focus of their awareness. No stroking, or massage, or other stimulus is needed or even desirable at this time. What is important is to keep in contact with the bottom (not requiring words as responses, merely nods), and instruct the bottom every little while to relax. The adrenaline will have him in a very agitated state – with high heart beat and breathing levels – and this situation is completely counter to the endorphin experience. Sure, the bottom has a ton of endorphins in his system, but the adrenaline is presently holding the endorphins off and the bottom isn’t experiencing their full effect. The top’s guidance is extremely important to help the bottom relax through the adrenaline burn-off period.

If not actually “talked down” out of the adrenaline agitation, the bottom could easilynever allow himself to relax enough to even feel the massive content of endorphins that currently exist in his system! Maybe you’ve seen a bottom who –  after an hour of intense stimulation to the point of near-total collapse on the cross or bench –  is released and after a mere couple of minutes is mingling with people as if nothing ever happened. These people are floating on a self-sustained adrenaline buzz. This is not only unhealthy, but these bottoms are also cheating themselves out of a long, longstretch of total endorphin-induced ecstasy!

Aftercare Instructions

While gently holding the bottom and letting him hold you back, coo softly and comfort him, and tell him to let himself relax. You will feel him do so as he complies to your wishes, as he is quite docile and open to receiving instructions at this point. But he will also slowly tense up again from the adrenaline. Keep reminding him to relax, telling him to give himself permission to relax totally.

As the bottom begins to relax after a while, he may experience a frightening “falling off a cliff” feeling that makes him tense again, or “blackness” as the endorphins relax the bottom’s optic nerve. This is a side effect of the chemicals burning off. The top’s job is to reassure the bottom that these experiences are completely normal, to let go and pass through it. The bottom has to relax through the sensation of falling or blackness with the understanding that this is quite normal and is a common experience. Once he does that, having “relaxed through it,” he will be “in it” after that point, and will relax deeply, often seeing beautiful technicolor visions and dreamlike landscapes, spaces, and places. How sweet!

Once this happens, your bottom needs only a little more loving attention, and can then be left bundled in a blanket somewhere on their own to float in a happy bubble, very possibly for hours!

“Flying”

There is another factor that can produce an altered state of consciousness far, farbeyond even that of the most extreme endorphin experience. This is experienced by submissives whose intense focus upon their Master or Mistress (their Dominant) – and upon pleasing them – eventually leads to a hallucinogenic kind of altered state known commonly in the BDSM community as “flying.” This word has an almost mythological aura in the scene for very good reasons! It is probably the most profound experience one can have as a submissive. It involves a state of intense devotion towards the dominant (who is not just a mere “top” at this point) that borders upon religious worship, with complete trust and a total commitment to please and satisfy the Dom thoroughly. Through the attainment of a complete selflessness and focus on the dominant, a transformation takes place that is very, very deep, almost trance-like. It can become so profound as to produce an extended, blissful hallucinogenic state. Many have reported even seeing visions under the spell of this “flying” effect. All have attested to the profound sense of peace and bliss they have experienced while even near the edge of this state.

This flying state can be attained by some with very little endorphin content in their systems. (Some claim no endorphins are required, but I’m quite certain most folks have attained at least a level Three or Level Four endorphin high in order to trigger the total release of inhibitions that this psychological state seems to require, at least generally speaking.) With practice, the release into this “flying” submissive-space should come easier and easier, eventually with even a mere suggestion triggering the effect for some with very little or even no endorphin content being in the picture. COMBINED with the Level Five or Six endorphin head space, there likely can be no deeper state of ecstasy possible for the bottom — short of total enlightenment! Until such an experience of full enlightenment can be accomplished, perhaps the attainment of this interim bliss is acceptable, and certainly should be considered an attractive and enjoyable state to be in! The secret ingredients are: intense focus; a commitment to please the dominant utterly; and, complete and total devotion. These ingredients – with some endorphins in the mix – should produce a quite satisfying effect for both the submissive and the dominant.

 

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Pup Spanky

What Is Headspace In BDSM

If you’re new to BDSM you might have heard the term headspace or one of its variations such as sub space, puppy space, drop and other such terms. What does this mean? Head space is generally considered to be an altered state of consciousness within BDSM play that is used to ‘lose yourself’ in a scene. It is described as a state of mind whereby the body’s endorphins, enkephalins and adrenaline take over the mind and produce a morphine like effect. It’s what takes over our mind when we engage in risky sexual practices such as urethral sounding. To the ordinary person, putting something down your urethra might sound outlandish, painful and crazy, and to a certain extent it is. But by altering the mind and approaching things slightly differently an individual can come to terms about doing things which might seem outlandish and outrageous. They use their hormones and arousal to reframe their state of mind into participating into a sexual activity that they may or may not have been into beforehand.

It varies between individuals, but head space is a period whereby there is an altered state of reality. Headspace is a period whereby the individual enters an altered psychological state that manifests itself into physical and emotional actions, images, feelings and thoughts that have been brought on by a dramatic increase in adrenaline and endorphin that will occur during a scene. It’s hard to explain without sounding odd – but let’s try.

 

Head Space In Bdsm Is Being In A Particular Frame Of Mind To Allow The Body The Ability To Handle The Activity

 

When engaging in BDSM play it is referred to as a scene. In a scene there is generally some form of role play being done – generally whereby one participant is subjected to one activity while the other one maintains control of the activity. Take for example one of the most relatable forms of BDSM as a power exchange within a dominant and submissive relationship. The dominant is the one in control of the situation, whereas the submissive is the one that carries out, or is subjected to the control the dominant. In order to do this the participants need to let go who they are and become a character of sorts. They might not normally be submissive or dominant outside of that room, but within that room and within that ‘scene’ they become something else. To reinforce that they might employ the use of BDSM aesthetics, by that it is meant BDSM toys and tools will generally have a certain look. Consider the attire of a dominant, if he/she walks in in casual clothes, ripped jeans, wearing thongs then that projects a completely different aesthetic than what it would if they walked into a room in a leather hood, with black gloves, black boots and handcuffs swaying from their fingers. Essentially, the purpose of a scene is to lose yourself within the scene. Some activities might involve pushing your body to the extreme, inflating dildos and anal stretching is one such example. By not being in a state of arousal, or preparing your mind and body for the activity at hand, you’ll find that you’re not able to enjoy it in the same way and might otherwise find it very difficult to continue.

It is a form of acting in a way whereby you’re letting go of who you are, role playing in a scene if you will. Once you have let go of who you are, and you’re focused on the scene you are said to be within a form of headspace.

Head space is more often commonly associated with the submissive, but there is evidence to suggest that dominants also experience an altered state of consciousness as well. We’ll start by exploring the idea of Sub-Space before moving on to Dom-space.

What Is Subspace In BDSM

Sub Space is an altered state of consciousness that varies between individuals. The very basic kind of definition that can be applied is that it refers to a state where the brainwaves in the mind are functioning in a different way that the basic defaults of ‘being awake and alert’ and ‘sleeping’. Keep in mind that this is a very basic definition and the idea of head space varies considerably between individuals and play mates. Brains are exceptionally complicated and even with scientific research into head space during BDSM play, there have been no definitive answers as to how and why it occurs as of yet.

 

Mental Stimulation Is An Important Aspect Of Bdsm As It Releases Chemicals And Hormones To Help The Body Cope

 

What we do know is that sub space is triggered through a reaction that is a response to intense stimulation that results from a scene. It is partly regulated and induced by biochemical changes that occur within the body which have been triggered through the physical and emotional stimulation of the scene. This is primarily referred to as a physiological sub space. It is where the submissive goes into a scene. It’s not referred to a physical place, but the altered state does affect the body and allow them to handle more stimulation. This type of space also provides for emotional stability and in a way, psychological compartmentalization.

A sub is generally aware of how they descended into sub space, and they will remember that a major event has happened but they might forget intimate details, or struggle to recall the majority of what happened during that state. For some, it enhances memory and for others the descent into a sub space allows for deep and reflective thinking and internal problem solving of emotional turmoil and events. It varies considerably between people but the one thing that is a constant within sub space is that it affects people’s awareness considerably. Some submissives might see themselves becoming wrapped up in their own thoughts and feelings to the extent whereby they are practically unaware of anything else such as their surroundings their individuality as a person and time, others might shut off completely and enter a trance like state which sees them no longer in control, and in some ways resembles a hypnotic trance like state.

 

Why Do Submissives Lose Control in Kink?

When playing in a scene, the submissive will be concentrating on the small things. The touch of the dominants hand, the cane, the restraints and how they feel against the skin and they might become carrier away from the mental high that comes about as a result of the increased attention and through the feelings of complete and utter submission and trust. To do this properly they must believe the scene, they must be aware of the limitations of the scene, and they must be aware of the safety procedures in place that are there to protect them. With all these security measures in place, a sub can forget about the danger and the risks and allow themselves to immerse within the scene. As they relax and put more and more trust into that of the dominant within the scene, the natural chemicals of the body will kick in. Trust over takes fear and the flight and fight response will emerge, but it will be controlled. The stimulation will slowly increase, the body will tense and the individuals breathing will become deeper and faster as they lose themselves. It is roughly at this point where the adrenaline rush will occur and the endorphins will take control of the body resulting in the altered mental state. Some people will use BDSM and the altered state of consciousness to help illuminate the mind and achieve a different clarity through which they can resolve issues. BDSM in this fashion becomes more of an illumuniating art form which changes the perception of the individual and allows for the illumination of the mind.

When in this state it is the responsibility of the dominant to ensure the safety of the submissive. Factors such as the intensity of the high and altered state, as well as the speed in which the submissive got there will definitely need to be considered. The dominant needs to notice how far into the sub space the playmate is and from there needs to consider the reaction, the mental state and whether there are any physiological signs that need to be noticed; such as the breathing rate, sounds, and sweating.

From here they might descend into a trance. It resembles a state of strong relaxation and might be akin to a meditative trance or hypnotic trance that has the potential to grow deeper quickly. In this state mental processes will be delayed or slower, and the use of safety precautions such as a safe word or signal might become difficult or even impossible to use in this state. It is up to the dominant to work out when a submissive is in such a state and respond and react accordingly. Verbal responses might be slow to occur and or become non-existent the submissive might fall into certain patterns of behaviour which include moaning, drooling, and laughter, sobbing and growling. Such trance like states can often be seen in examples of over stimulation where something like a high powered bodywand or massage vibe is used to provide intense stimulation to the genitals over a sustained period of time. The body finds itself unable to cope with such intense stimulation and flooding of chemicals and hormones so it enters a trance like state in order to cope and make sense of its surrounding. Whilst this state is otherwise safe, it is imperative that the dominant recognise the risks from continuing and respond accordingly.

The danger in such an altered state is that sometimes a sub will descend further into a state known as flying or the roaring void. This exceeds the trance like state and can be representative of a dangerous mind set. If previously established safe signals are no longer being responded to then that indicates that it is time to stop play and move into a period of after care. A submissive who has entered such a state are incredibly vulnerable and will require nurturing, and after care. We’ll explain this in our aftercare article.

 

Guy In Pupy Play Mask Where Pup Play Involves A Specific Head Space Of Bdsm

 

The Idea Of Dom Head Space

There are some people which value the idea of dom space and others which refuse to acknowledge its existence. Both sides have a point to a degree – those that contest the idea of there being a dom-space contest it on the idea that a dominant is supposed to remain in control and in charge of things all the time. The idea of ‘submitting’ to a dom-space could potentially mean that there is a loss of control and the dominant is in danger of neglecting the sub, or being in a position whereby they will fail to notice the signs that indicate a sub is in danger.

The response to that is that dominants must also experience a change. Few dominants might retain that level of control throughout the entirety of their lives, they might also be in a position where they a role playing and in order to submit to that role, and come into it, they also experience a dom space. There are differences though, with dom space often being referred to as a high with an altered and more pure focus with magnified senses. It can increase the connection with the sexual partner and the sense of time is often lost.

Punishment and Reward

This is an extract from a group conversation on a pup page on Facebook. 

Certainly this could be a good discussion point and what was raised…

The question posed is what could be the difference between reward and punishment when dealing with a pup?

Please note none of these thoughts are mine and were comments from the original post. Names have been removed.

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Tragedy Has Struck

I write this knowing that the latest news reports are saying that 50 people have lost their lives and another 53 injured in America’s worst gun massacre. While it is being called an act of terror, which I do not dispute, In short it is a crime of hate. A crime against our community. A crime against our freedoms. It is an attempt to prevent us from being who we want to be and love who we want to love.

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Hood Shaming

As I have already blogged about this please follow the link to my Tumblr Blog…

Hood shaming is Wrong and not what our communities are about… Any shaming is against the basic principals of the leather community.

 

 

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Chastity – Myth or Fact

Posted on by Caged Lion

Source: https://www.malechastityjournal.com/2014/08/10/myth-or-fact/

Note I have not edited the text in  this article in anyway or form, whilst it is aimed at the pan community it can be easily viewed in a similar way for the gay community. If I have comments I have added them after each point. The author and his Mistress come across as very experienced and well educated on this topic.

There article commences below, My comments if any are in Blue:

Myth or Fact

There is a lot of information floating around on male chastity. I’ve done some research to try to separate fact from fiction when it comes to some of these questions.

It is dangerous for a male not to ejaculate for a long time: bigstock-Myth-stamp-63032431-700x467 According to medical authorities, there is no adverse effect if a male doesn’t ejaculate for months or even years. So-called blue balls and stories of prostate problems are not true.  According to Pepper Schwartz, PhD, “There is some data published by the Journal ofAmerican Medical Association that higher emissions were correlated with a lower rate of prostate cancer– but this is over a long period of time-and the increment of health is slight. ”

Whilst I agree it is a myth, I also belive that the dude in chastity needs to be able to ejaculate every so often, and this needs to be allowed by the negotiation between the locked boy and their keyholder.  

Locked up and unable to achieve an erection, a male can still orgasm and ejaculate

factIn fact, both men and women can achieve orgasm without any direct genital stimulation. Some can reach orgasm just with nipple or anal stimulation. Most men have at some point in their lives, had an orgasm during the night without any physical stimulation.

 

After being locked in a Chastity Device, a male will become more attentive and interested in his partner 

bigstock-Myth-stamp-63032431-700x467A key storyline in many male chastity fantasies is that the male will immediately redirect his sexual energy to pleasing his partner. This, the fantasy says, is the result of the device being locked on his penis. There is no physical difference between being locked in a chastity device and simply abstaining from sex voluntarily. While it is certainly true a caged male will try to find ways to get his  Keyholder to give him an orgasm, there is absolutely no evidence that there is an automatic transference of sexual satisfaction to his keyholder. However, like many myths of this type, if you believe it you can make it true for you.

After being locked in a chastity device, a male automatically becomes submissive and desires to do household chores.

bigstock-Myth-stamp-63032431-700x467Many chastity fantasies claim that when a keyholder takes control of a male’s penis, he automatically becomes a docile domestic slave. That’s certainly not true of me or of many men who are caged. At the very lowest level, a desire to wear a chastity device simply means that the wearer wants someone else to control his ability to orgasm. That’s it; nothing more. Now, many males have more complex agendas. They want more than simple orgasm control. I know that I want Mrs. Lion to take full sexual charge and have the power to make rules for me and discipline me when I displease her. None of that has a thing to do with the device on my penis. I’ve always shared chores. I am not doing any more now than before.

There should be some pain associated with wearing a chastity device. 

bigstock-Myth-stamp-63032431-700x467This is a big one. A well-designed chastity device should not hurt to wear. Too many males buy inexpensive plastic cages that irritate the skin behind their balls or other areas on their genitals. Devices like the CB6000 commonly cause this irritation. Some males have no problem wearing them. If you wear or are planning to wear your device for more than a weekend at a time, you should invest in a good-fitting device that you won’t even notice most of the time. If you have to apply lube to prevent the device from hurting you, it isn’t right for your body. I wear a Mature Metal Jail Bird 24/7 with no discomfort or lube needed (Mrs. Lion uses a little hand cream to ease my penis into its cage). See our guide to getting a good fit for information about how to properly measure for a chastity device.

The keyholder gets many benefits from locking up her male

bigstock-Myth-stamp-63032431-700x467Let’s face it, being a keyholder is work. She has to deal with all the extras that a caged male wants, such as regular teasing, maintaining some release schedule, and accommodating the fantasies that go along with Enforced Chastity

Enforced chastity is surrendering sexual control to another. Most typically, a male surrenders his ability to orgasm to another. Frequently, a chastity device is secured to the male’s penis to prevent erection and orgasm.”>enforced chastity

. The fantasies claim she gets endless sexual pleasure and a docile male to do housework, laundry, and paint her nails. Just read Mrs. Lion’s posts on the topic. Being my keyholder holds few benefits for her beyond giving me something I really want. Your keyholder has given you a gift. Ignore the fantasies and recognize what she is doing for you.

Forced male chastity improves a marriage
Plausible+signIn our case, caging me has brought us closer in ways that were completely unexpected. Our communications have improved, and we are much more sexually active than we were before. It’s ironic that caging my penis has improved my sex life. It has. Chastity won’t cure marital problems. Caging a man who cheated may prevent future extracurricular sex, but won’t erase the betrayal the cheating produced. A thoughtless husband won’t become more thoughtful. No wife really wants to beat her husband into being good to her. However, like us, many couples find that the chastity device forces more focus on intimate pleasures that a busy life may have pushed into the background.

In the research I have done personally and what I have read and been told I tend to agree with this, a locked boy certainly will become more closer and attentive to their partners needs, this works well in a Dom/ sub dynamic. It would be what I would consider a behaviour that the locked boy would want to be able to experience orgasm and requires the assistance of the keyholder in order to achieve this, therefore the locked boy would be willing to please his sexual partner to be rewarded. 

The first chastity belts were used by soldiers leaving to fight in the Crusades in order to keep their women pure

bigstock-Myth-stamp-63032431-700x467This myth started in Victorian times. In fact, many museums were sold “chastity belts” that were supposed to come from that period. They turned out to be fakes. The first known chastity devices were actually created in Victorian times. In those days a popular idea was that masturbation led to insanity or criminal behavior. Devices were created to prevent boys from masturbating. Female chastity devices were never popular. Women don’t need access to their genitals to orgasm and any chastity device will make it difficult for hygiene. Chastity devices have always been intended for males.

 

 Chastity Device

chastity device

<br /><br />A mechanical device that prevents a male from erection and orgasm. It is locked and the key is retained by the keyholder.  The picture is of Lion wearing a Mature Metal Jail Bird device.”>chastity device

Keyholder

The person who retains control of the male’s penis in enforced male chastity. The term keyholder refers to holding the key that locks a chastity device.”>keyholder