I wanted to discuss the idea behind the power exchange relationship and the dynamic that makes that up. keeping in mind that there is also Total Power Exchange (TPE), see the following link: TPE
But First lets break down the D/s and whats it is all about…
If anyone were to ask what ‘Dominance and submission’ is, they’d receive almost as many answers as people who practice it. Simply stated, though, most would agree that D/s consists of a consensual relationship that is based around a power exchange between two people. One person is the controlling one, known as the Dominant; the other person is the controlled one, and is known as the submissive (note that ‘Dominant’ is usually capitalised and that ‘submissive’ is not). The submissive gives a certain amount of ‘power’ to the Dominant over their lives. This can be as simple as the Dominant telling them what to wear each day, or can be as complex as them having to ask the Dominant for permission to even leave the room. The important thing to note here is that we are talking about consensual relationships. The rights of the submissive are not taken from them, they are given freely during a period of negotiation.
Arguably, the ‘pinnacle’ of D/s relationships is a Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship, where the submissive gives up all control to the Dominant. Total means just that. The Dominant controls every aspect of their lives from what they wear or eat, to where they go and who they see. There are many that claim to have this, but this Researcher has seen few real examples. It should be emphasised that this is only arguably the pinnacle of D/s relationships. The other side of the coin is that every D/s relationship is just as good no matter how much power is exchanged.
For more information see the following page: TPE
Before we go too much further, let’s define a few terms that exist within the D/s lifestyle:
See Page on: boys Bill of Rights
Let’s look at what a D/s relationship isn’t.
Though the point has already been made it’s important to emphasise that this article is about aconsensual power exchange. Whatever happens to the sub, whatever demands are made of them, they have agreed to this. If they haven’t, if they never asked for this, or they don’t want this, then it’s an abusive relationship and is not the kind of relationship covered by this entry.
Please also note there are several articles within this blog that cover this very subject BDSM Vs Abuse.
If your image of a submissive is a woman, no matter how she’s dressed, think again. There are a great number of male submissives out there.
If someone has to have someone else run their lives for them they must be weak, right? Wrong. Many submissives are quite powerful people outside their D/s relationship: lawyers, managers, business people, police, soldiers and so on. For some, being a submissive in the home, or merely in the bedroom, is a way of escaping from the normal pressures of being in charge.
Sure, D/s couples often have kinky sex. Then again, vanilla couples often do too. What defines a D/s relationship has very little to do with the methods used, so much as the power exchange. A simple ‘no’ when a sub asks if they can have a drink can have as much ‘power’ as getting them to kneel.
When two people are about to enter a D/s relationship, the first step is negotiation. This is a period where no power exchange occurs, but is a discussion where the parameters of the relationship are discussed. How much power will the Dominant have over the submissive? What hard limits do both have; that is, to what activities are one or both opposed? What will be the safewords? What will be the period of the relationship?
Often after negotiation a contract is drawn up, setting out all of the parameters discussed. In this way there can be no misunderstandings.
In most Western marriages, the symbols of the marriage are the wedding rings worn by the happy couple. You can probably think of a collar meaning a similar thing to a wedding ring, although in a D/s relationship it’s more common for only the sub to wear a collar to show that they are owned by or bound to a Dom.
Collars come in all shapes and sizes, from a leather collar that is remarkably similar to that worn by pets, to elegant necklaces that could be worn at the classiest society ball. A collar is a symbol and is therefore as individual as the Dominant and submissive within the D/s relationship.
It seems a D/s relationship is an awful lot of work, doesn’t it? Negotiation, contracts, safewords before you even get to the relationship itself. Yes, it is a lot of work, but the rewards can be worth it.
At this point it should be noted that a D/s relationship is not for everyone. Most relationships, even vanilla ones, contain power exchanges. In some relationships one partner is always Dominant, in other relationships whoever is Dominant changes almost constantly. That, however, doesn’t mean that the whole relationship should become a D/s one. Some couples only practice D/s in the bedroom, others in the home, others all the time and some never.
Like all relationships, good communication is needed to keep a D/s relationship on track. The difference here, is that it is essential to the success of a D/s relationship. The basis of a D/s relationship is trust. This is not just the trust that neither partner will cheat, but the sort of deep trust where the partners will trust each other with their lives. For the submissive, they need to trust the Dominant with their physical and mental health; to trust that the Dominant will guide and protect them. For the Dominant this means trusting that the submissive is totally truthful with them, giving them all the information they need to make good decisions.
As the communication flows more freely and the trust grows, the entire relationship becomes deeper and more fulfilling. This also applies to a vanilla relationship, but there isn’t necessarily the same impetus to keep communication flowing.
The submissive gives power to the Dominant. This means the submissive can open themselves to abuse. This risk can be lessened by keeping the following in mind. They’re not bad guidelines for vanilla relationships either:
This week was my human birthday and I am fast approaching my 40’s, not there yet, but it had me reflecting on where I am in life. Generally I am in a good place. But it made me realise how important friendships are and good healthy relationships.
This post is not a long one, and I am going to write an article latter about good healthy relationships.
What I would like to do is acknowledge everyone that sent me Birthday messages, either by facebook, phone, text or messenger or in person. This year a few people made it really special for this little pup. Big thanks to Darren & Stuart, Matthew (13), Peter and Twitch.
Finally I love my puppy community you all are amazing Thank you.
Thank you Dylan for this awesome image
Lust – Chastity
A pup desires attention, has a lust for contact, and sometimes an insatiable craving for snuggles. However, some of the pups I have met are among the most chaste in existence.
Gluttony – Temperance
Take a bag of cookies to a pack of pups, shout treats, and try to get out alive. I wouldn’t say pups have an excessive desire for treats, they simply like to overindulge given the opportunity. But place a treat on a pup’s muzzle, make it a trick, tell them to wait, and they show a temperance and self-control beyond human levels.
Greed – Charity
Whenever you spot a pup’s blanket fort, you see its den. The place where a pup can hide its treasure. This is where a pup hoards its (stolen) treats, toys and undies, claiming all for its little kingdom. But lure a pup out, snuggle it, play with it, and it will share generously. And, if you’re lucky, it might even sacrifice a place in the fort, along with the hoard.
Sloth – Diligence
Now be fair, what is better than a puppy nap? A pup has many friends, but Sloth has a special place. A nap for the entire day. This isn’t to say a pup is lazy as such, it merely has a smart time management scheme. Don’t waste energy when unnecessary. And, if you’re out of luck, a pup will wake up before you do and zealously be your alarm.
Wrath – Patience
Ever invoked the wrath of a pup? No? Then you never tried to take away its treats. Though harmless, a pup’s growl can be… vexing. However, if you treat a pup right, and care for it, it will show you a harmony and forgiveness many could learn from.
Envy – Kindness
Here’s a survival tip: if you find yourself with a pack of pups, don’t try to only give one of them attention. You’ll end up with a bunch of jealous pups all claiming, even more, attention. But let’s be fair, what is better than the love and trust without prejudice only a pup offers?
Pride – Humility
It’s no secret that pups can be vain. They’ll do their best to show off their looks and what they can do, and on occasion are known to admire the mirror puppy. But if you manage to train your puppy well, and create that harmony, you’ll have its respect and it will do everything to make you happy.
Original Source: Pup Saber
I was moved by a recent Quote by The BootCo. Brisbane’s current Queensland Leather Boy (QLB) 2016 and I have decided to share this on my blog. Firstly I would like to thank Timothy Roberts for his thoughtful and well written words after the tragic events that have occurred in Orlando.
As I have already blogged about this please follow the link to my Tumblr Blog…
Hood shaming is Wrong and not what our communities are about… Any shaming is against the basic principals of the leather community.
There has been much talk about the recent UK documentary about the secret life of the human pup. Whist this is currently only available in the UK, RECON has put out a short clip, with some pup play occurring in downtown Sydney. The clip demonstrates that the pup life is emerging and is not as secret as the documentary suggests. Once I am able to view the documentary I will be doing a review…
Here is a pix of me at last years Queensland Pride Fair day, the acceptance of the the kink lifestyle has certainly assisted in pups of all walks of life being able to express their pup side and lifestyles not just behind closed doors, but also in the public arena.
Many of the pups in Brisbane entered the dog show at Pride… It is truly a liberating experience.
A big thank you to Kobi Cooke for making this possible….
This is truly a great video made by Mr-S-Leather.
It is great to see pup play out in the open in a fun outdoor environment, it also highlights the new Mr-S-Leather Neoprene hood that is similar to their new design leather puppy hood. Those who read this blog and know me personally know that I am a leather pup through and through and I do own an older version of the MR S Neoprene Hood.
Why do I like the Neoprene Hood, because MR S Leather is really been proficient at the design and the manufacture of the hood, and the best thing about the neoprene hood is that it can get wet, so whether it W/S that some may be into, or going for a swim, puppy bath or pupping out in the shower, the MR S Neoprene Hoods certainly allow for this.
This allows the pup to explore a wider array of their pup persona, especially if your like me and love going swimming or having a shower with your pup hood on. The other advantage is Neoprene is so much cheaper then rubber and or leather pup hoods.
Check out their hoods here….
Pup Out Boys and Girls…