I previously explored the notion of “No Limits” and agreed with a perspective of another blogger. – No Limits In the discussion, there is a mention on No Limits and its meanings, clearly if you are playing with someone you would expect it to be Safe, Sane & Consensual (SSC). So having limbs removed is not something that would be placed onto a hard limit as it would be implied.
Firstly to understand limits, I guess we need to have a basic illustration of the various activities that we may explore and indulge. Keeping in mind that the illustration below does not include everything, and you may or may not agree with it in it entirely.
As you can see there is a wide range of activities, and other aspects that may change the dynamic of the activity. It would be extremely rare that nay individual would have no limits, and to get to a point of minimal limits there certainly would be many boundaries that would both need to be explored and pushed.
Keeping in mind that I have not participated in every activity, dose not mean I am going to list every activity that I would consider as a hard limit, for example I would not be happy to explore kitten play, in fact I would generally refuse to, is that a hard limit? For some people yes they would consider that a hard limit, whilst I would not par take, it certainly is not a hard limit, and just like all BDSM activities and play negotiation is the key to success.
So I came up with a basic idea for Limits and exploration of boundaries, keeping in mind we will accept the premises that the person or people, that I am going to explore my limits and / or boundaries understand and practice SSC.
Exploration of Limits:
|HARD LIMITS||Medium Pushing Boundaries||Soft Limits||Exploration||No Limits – Safety Only|
|Scat||Needles||Caning||Deep Anal Play||Threesomes|
|Vomit||Cum Play||CBT||Fire Play||Group Action|
|Diapers||Water Sports||TT||Knife Play||Fisting|
|Woman’s Clothing||Heavy BDSM||Cigar Play||DP||Flogging|
|Animals||Suspension||Restraints||Impact Play||Vanilla Stuff|
|Children||Spiting||Breath Play||Corporal Punishment||Rope Play|
|Scarification||Food Play||Chocking||Chastity||Pup Play|
|Exchange of Bodily Fluids||Outdoor Play|
|Cutting (Boarder on Hard Limit)||Military Role Play|
|Heavy CBT||Anal Play & Toys|
Wiling to Explore, negotiation required. Boundaries will be explored and pushed
Some negotiation required, Happy to explore, some boundaries will be explored and pushed
Open for exploration
Consideration of Safety
There are so many activities out there I have not listed as the list would just be enormous. Keep in mind that; other then the hard limits, the activities listed are not set in stone and may change over time, as my views or desires change or are explored. However negotiation is always key.
BDSM for me is about a journey of exploration of your sexuality and this goes without saying;
“your kink may not be my kink, but that is ok!”
An example of this is pups that are into diaper play, to me this is confronting and I have listed it as a hard limit as I have no desire or wiliness to consider such kink, yet if this sort of activity is your kink, then by all mean do it, explore it and have fun.
This I guess is the take home message, it is ok not to wish to explore an aspect of a kink, but it is not OK to prevent another person from exploring their kink, providing it is not hurting anyone, and their is active consent involved.
What has this to do with pup play?
Simply pup play has many cross overs with many other kinks and BDSM activities, for example leather and or rubber, and restraints and D/s, just to name a few. So it is important for pups and Handlers (Anyone really that has a Kinky lifestyle and practices BDSM activities) to be aware of their limits, boundaries and what they are willing to explore and what boundaries they are willing to push… But most importantly what is off limits (your hard limits) and this goes for all parties involved in the transaction of the desired activity.
I have also noticed that pup play whilst a lifestyle and a kink on it own right, is starting to delve into many areas of BDSM, whist generally many would argue that you should not flog a pup, or zap a pup with electrodes, and on some levels I agree. The dilemma is that if the community saids you can’t do something then a pup who likes to be flogged or a handler that likes to flog a pup, may feel ostracised and not interact with the community. So my advice is that if it is not harming anyone, and they are consenting adults then let them have their fun.
Keeping in mind some pups headspace is that the pup mindset, whilst other incorporate sex into their pup headspace. Hence why we are all individuals, and why when entering into play or headspace it is essential to communicate and be honest with your intentions or what you are willing to explore.
D/s or M/s BDSM Limits and Boundaries
If you are entering into a D/s or M/s relationship and/or dynamic the above table could be a starting point on communicating to your perspective play mate(s) your needs and desires and what is a no go zone for you. However for the inexperienced the above table allows the individual to have a greater understanding and a method of communicating what they will do, will explore and what they will not do.
Remember this is based on my experiences and everyones Limits and boundaries are different and will be communicated and is as individual and unique as the person.
Creating your own table, allows you to add this to your own learning and can be be used as a reference of learning on what activities are there and enable you to research them and communicate your needs. As you hear of new activities or terms within the BDSM sphere, I encourage you to get a better understanding of them and what they potentially could mean for you.
In a D/s or M/s that is established there has been trust built and many discussions on such topic so I would argue the table would look more like this for the more established or experienced BDSM player who is in a D/s or M/s.
|Scat||All BDSM Activities except those mentioned on my hard limits. This inculdes activities that I am not aware of or new activities that you desire. Negotiation and communication necessary as we explore. Trust is of essence.
Statement of Fact: I identify as gay, therefore I wish to keep my identity in tact whist participating and consenting to agreed and negotiated BDSM Activities.
It is always encouraged for you to explore; experience and create your own unique identity within your BDSM, kink or pup community.
Disclaimer: Please note that the information and tables in this blog post are that of my own experience and from my own perspective, no way I am telling the reader how they should approach BDSM or their limits and boundaries. I hope that this post has been informative.
2 thoughts on “Limits and the pushing of boundaries”
I’m new to a lot of kink but am open. Thanks for explaining things, especially pup play!
Hi Kenny, There are many sites out there that have similar and different views I encourage you to do as much research as you can on your kink, and have fun whilst you explore this lifestyle…