Generally boundaries in BDSM are defined in the following manner:
In BDSM, limits refer to issues that participants in a play scene or dynamic feel strongly about, usually referring to prohibited activities.
Participants typically negotiate an outline of what activities will and will not take place. The participants outline what they desire or will not tolerate, including the determination of limits. For example, it is common to set a safe word and to establish certain types of play as prohibited.
In the context of this post I am not referring to the above definition, instead I am going to explore the concept of boundaries being placed on the human pup by his Trainer/Handler/Owner/Master/Sir. As pups normally would take the submissive role in the D/s power exchange type relationship (Once again I stress this is not a hard fast rule this is just a broad statement and is not the same for everyone in the world of the BDSM pup lifestyle, you may have negotiated your consensual play differently,) For the purpose of this article the pup will be a submissive in the power exchange relationship.
There are many in the BDSM that seek the 3S – Strictness, Stability and Structure and there are many Dominants who provide such. This is no different in the pup community.
Biological puppies, seek and demand affection, friendship and companionship of their owners or pack, a biological canine also seeks structure and stability, hence to know it boundaries and place within a pack dynamic, it is therefore said that the Human Pup seeks the same above traits; by its own nature the very same foundations as their biological counterpart.
Being a human pup is about getting in touch with one’s canine instincts, traits and/or wolf spirit. He/she wants to have the same form of bond, companionship, boundaries, structures, strictness and stability that their Owner/Master/Handler or Sir has to offer. And that is basically where the communally ends with a human pup and a biological pup.
Human pups tend to seek out this form of companionship; that in the sense I want to be with you, and I want your attention. Human pups are also very loyal to their Owner/Handler/Sir/Master (OHSM) or pack. These are fundamentals that make up the mix that assists in forming a tight bond between both OHSM and pup, notably this same bond is normally formed amongst pack mates.
So not only are boundaries set by the submissive – normally the pup, these includes limits to how far you can take me in play, but also hard limits, as per any form of negotiation in BDSM lifestyle the Dominant would also have certain limits and or boundaries.
Note: BDSM encompasses many forms of kink and other lifestyles including leather, rubber and fetishes.
Getting back to the context of this post, boundaries that are set to be conformed by the human pup, these boundaries are set by the Dominant (Dom)- (OHSM) and are basic ground rules thus provides the pup (sub) with a set of guild lines that enables the pup to know his or her boundaries, and sets the foundational structures of the D/s. These can be set tasks, or how you contact your Dom, or even how you perform (in public, in private and a public BDSM event. Each are very different environments depending on the scenario, scenes or circumstances surrounding what is occurring in each environment. The environments are ever evolving.
An example of this when you are alone with your Sir you may be naked and be tied up or able to pup out, but when the flat mate is home or their are guests you may need to display other behaviours or be clothed. You may also need to act differently at a dinner party.
It is always helpful to have certain boundaries set, as pups are not like slaves or boys, they are puppy like, they seek to get into some sort of trouble… thought it may be fun it also may be doing the wrong thing, like pulling out all your toys or rolling around in confetti – making a mess of the living room floor.
These boundaries may be ensuring your heath and safety, but also that you are respecting your OHSM time, space and real life activities. As we become more reliant on mobile technologies BDSM relationships, including that of pup and handler may be separated by distance, so sometimes communication may be via the online environment, phone or Skype.
Some boundaries could include the following:
- Hang your towel up after showering when visiting your Sir
- Wash your tail after play before putting it away
- Text your Dom before making calling to make sure it is an OK time to chat or communicate
- When in a public arena do not call me Sir, refer to me by my given name
- When at a BDSM event you will sit to my side and refer to me as Sir
- When at a BDSM space, know you are my pup and respect me as your OHSM and don’t embarrass me in front of other Dom’s
- When I give you time, Know that it is valuable, as I know that the time you give me is just as valuable.
- In the home environment we may wrestle, when not in that space make sure it is ok before you pounce to ensure neither of us get hurt, or that it is an appropriate action.
All these boundaries are what you negotiate, and none of them should be a form of abuse, BDSM relationships should always be consensual and be a two way transactions between both parties. Whilst many outside the community may see some of the playful behaviours exhibited by both parties as a form of abuse, there is no room in the BDSM community for the types of controlling abuses that may occur. Therefore you should always discuss your concerns with your Dom.
The boundaries that I refer to in this post are more about training you to respect your Dom and his time that he puts into you. There are many times that your Dom may not be able to provide you with time right at that moment so that is why it is important to have boundaries set and arrangements negotiated. This will ensure expectations and desires of all parties are meant in a safe, fun and consensual manner.
From my experience, as example I am a very boisterous pup, and I have been know to run and jump at my Handler for fun and affection, however if this happens and the Dom is not ready or caught off guard, serious injury may occur to the Dom, you or even both of you. This is why such boundaries are important. Just because I need to call my Dominant right now, he may be busy at his job and can not field my call, so placing a boundary of mutual respect to SMS before calling to ensure you both are free, is respectful to not just both of you but also it demonstrates that you understand a boundary that has been placed on you and also you respect your Dominants time and the time he is happy to give to you.
Those who know me personally, know that I can be bratty, mischievous and at times enjoys pushing boundaries, however when it is clearly pointed out to me that these boundaries have been pushed or at times crossed, I am first to ensure that an apology is forth coming. This is respectful, and ensures that both positive learning and understanding of the boundaries are achieved. Many dominants are wise and have life experiences that they like to share with their subs, but this is a mutual aspect of the journey’s that are undertaken in D/s relationships, as many Dom’s will also comment how they two learn from the experiences of their submissive’s. I feel that this is why trust is the glue to the bond that is formed by the Dom and his sub.
There are times that when you push or not respect the boundaries that you may get punished, a punishment is something that you do not like. You should never break or push such boundaries that have been designed to lay the ground rules of the D/s to intentionally get attention, and if you find that this is the only way to get attention from your OHSM then I would argue or suggest that there is something not right with the D/s and the parties involve should have an open communication about the issues, not all D/s relationships work, just like normal relationships, my advice is be honest and open and communicate.
When communicating do not put limits or unreasonable expectations and do not accept unreasonable expectations or agree to something that you feel crosses your own limits or boundaries. A true and good Dom will understand, as they want the best from their subs as their subs are a reflection on them and their training.
Boundaries of such a nature as described in this post is only a small part of the many clogs that make fun, safe and respectful BDSM relationships that ensures that all parties involved are aware of their limitations and understand how to please and look after each other.
As a pup there are times when you will push boundaries and have your boundaries or limits pushed, this is part of BDSM and consensual kink. I practice RACK and PRICK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink and Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink. There are some boundaries or rules that at times can be broken or pushed, but as stated above the boundaries that are being placed on you by your Dominant to form basic ground rules are the ones that should be respected, just as safe words. This respect shows to your Dom that you are a sub that is worthy of their time, at the same time the Dom needs to respect your lints and your self worth, see my post of Pup Bill of rights.
From my perspective whilst I receive so much various forms of pleasure from the Doms that I have both been handled by and played with, I have a greater understanding that my role as a sub / pup is to ensure that the Dom gets the most of the scene then I do, and I would be disappointed if the Dom that I was serving at the time was not satisfied with my performance.
Therefore when I disappoint the Dom that I am serving or being handled by, at the time of the negotiated period or interaction, I really beat myself up, as a pup or submissive I am eager to please said Dominant, so not following strict boundaries that have been set and agreed to, will surly disappoint, so I always try to ensure that any boundary that is set for me is meant, that way I am not only adhering to the Structure, Strictness and Stability provided by the Dom I am also demonstrating through all my naughty pup behaviour’s that I respect the Dom and am a loyal and serving sub/pup that is eager to please and follow instructions.
Even mischievous and naughty (or bratty subs) pups require the guidance and structures provided by experienced Dom’s who take the role as OHSM in a manner that they gain their pleasure but also watch as their pup grows and develops into a pup that is in their image, very similar to that of a Master/boy or Master/slave – D/s type of relationship.
A quick message to would be handlers:
On another note, I have also found, where the OHSM does not wish to place boundaries or structures with in the confines of the D/s dynamic, as a pup; I keep pushing and searching for that boundary until I find it… pups need that they need to have boundaries and structures in order to know there place and find there feet in the D/s without it you end up with a free range pup who is naughty and has no limits.
This occurs in the biological Canine world – you end up with a dog that is feral and has no way of knowing it place or feels that it is at th stop of the food chain, above its Owner or Handler. We have all seen this on those Animal Bahaviour shows and on Cesar Millan. Do not let your Human pup control you or to not have the three S’s in place. You are the Dom, the Handler, you are to ensure your pup knows his place and follows your training. Doing such will help ensure a very rewarding and fun Handler/pup (D/s) relationship. I have included a link to Mr Millan’s website. Those who never owned a real Puppy may find hints on how to train their Human Pup, remember though the Human Pup is not a biological pup, take what works from that training and read my post on Caring For Your Human Pup.
In short boundaries are essential for the positive growth and development of any D/s relationship and it is crucial to have these boundaries whether it be the first mentioned in this article or the latter to be communicated in a means that is beneficial to all parties, clear, concise, respectful and meaningful.
PUP THOUGHT BUBBLE:
I would Like to thank Hazy and SM-Leatherboy for their help, they have been putting boundaries in place, where there has been none, though I still have a lot of learning and training to do, It has been beneficial for me to have boundaries in place. Without boundaries you lack discipline,and respect.